Do You Have a "FOMO Baby”?What is that, and how might it be impacting sleep?

Have you ever made any of these statements about your child?

My baby never sleeps! It’s like she’s afraid she’ll miss something.

A “sleepy cue”? What’s that? I’ve never seen one.

“Drowsy but awake”? Ha! There’s no “drowsy.” It’s like a light switch. She’s on until she’s off.

The minute we lay him down, boom, his eyes pop open and he’s awake again.

If you’re saying, “That’s my child!” you might have a baby with a fear of missing out or FOMO. It’s not your imagination. FOMO babies are hard-wired to be more engaged, alert, and, well…awake from the moment they arrive on the planet—fighting sleep so that they do not miss one single second.

Other terms for FOMO babies you might have heard include —alert, highly sensitive, spirited, high needs. . . “a handful.” These all refer to similar traits that include an extra helping of sensitivity, intensity, and engagement. They take in the world more intensely than other children.

Let me also say that these are not necessarily “fussy” children. They can be incredibly exuberant, extroverted, happy kiddos who have Energizer Bunny-level stamina…And that can be exactly the challenge.

What is temperament?

Temperament is a hard-wired system that receives information through the senses, processes it, and responds. Think about it like a satellite dish. Easygoing children have a dish that’s big enough to gather a manageable amount of information and they buffer out the rest.

FOMO kids, on the other hand, have a bigger dish that detects, takes in, and reacts to a lot more information across a wider range of frequencies. They don’t buffer much, if anything, out. Their systems are constantly detecting, processing, and reacting. It’s a lot. Their difficulties with self-soothing or sleep are not due to a lack of skill. They just have more to manage than they can handle.

How does temperament impact sleep? 

The question should be: How does it not?

Think about an overnight flight. There are those passengers who fold their arms across their chest, close their eyes, and are snoring practically before take-off.

Then, there are others—eye-mask, foot-rest, melatonin, blanket from home, white-noise, earplugs, fancy neck pillow— who cannot sleep for one gosh-darned second the entire flight. They can’t tune out the noise, conversations, snoring, cabin lights, drafts, or that maddening lavatory door banging every five minutes.

This is what it’s like for FOMO babies when trying to get them to sleep and why they have a harder time than mellow ones who can just tune out the world and fall asleep.

So, if you are a parent of a FOMO baby, I bet sleep may have been a bit of a challenge. (If not, happy dance for you!) If it’s been rough, I have great news: It’s not your fault. It’s temperament.

Here are a few things you can do .

1. Learn what’s in their temperament package. You can check out my website for a temperament quiz to learn more about their traits (and there’s one for you, too, because, well…genetics.)

2. Don’t wait for them to “look tired.” FOMO babies consider sleepy cues a sign of weakness. Know how long their wake window is and try for that nap whether they look tired or not. You will thank me.

3. Scaffold sleep skills gradually, consistently, and with support. The usual leave-the-room approaches don’t always work for more alert, intense children. There are more gradual, present approaches that are more tolerable for these firecrackers. My book outlines a scaffolding approach that’s geared specifically for this temperament type.

Understanding temperament is the key to unlocking the mystery of why sleep (and maybe everything else) can be more challenging for parents of FOMO babies. Getting them to be okay with “missing out” for a few hours may not be easy, but it can be done, and those active brains need the break (and so do you!). 

About the Author: Macall Gordon

Macall Gordon, M.A. is a researcher and certified pediatric sleep consultant working with parents of alert, non-sleeping children in private practice, as well as on the women’s telehealth platform, Maven Clinic. She is the co-author (with Kim West, The Sleep Lady) of “Why Won’t You SLEEP?! A Game-changing Approach for Exhausted Parents of Nonstop, Super Alert, Big Feeling Kids.” She comes to this work because she had two sensitive, intense children, and she didn’t sleep for 18 years.