This post was written by Susan Adamson of Mother Trees. Susan is a member of the Heybrook Provider Network. You can find all of our incredible go-to-experts here!

We are born wired for connection.

From our very first breath, we instinctively seek closeness with our caregivers—those who provide love, protection, and a sense of safety. This early bond isn’t just emotional; it’s physiological. When held by a loving parent, a child’s nervous system begins to settle, grounding them in a felt sense of safety and trust.

This is the power of co-regulation.

What Is Co-Regulation?

According to the Child Mind Institute, co-regulation is “a mutual act, an exchange of calm that occurs between two people.” It is the foundation of healthy attachment and emotional regulation. When a child is seen, soothed, and supported during times of stress, their nervous system returns to balance—and their resilience grows.

A Real-Life Example: The Lonely Iron

Children intuitively understand the importance of co-regulation. When my son was a toddler, we were watching cartoons together when a commercial came on. It featured a sad, animated iron singing about being lonely. My son burst into tears—completely heartbroken for the iron.

To comfort him, I dug out our old iron from the closet and brought it to him. He immediately hugged it and spent the next two days carrying it everywhere—napping with it, talking to it, and giving it the love and companionship he felt it needed.

At the time, it felt like a sweet, silly moment. But looking back, I see how deeply co-regulation was at play. My son was responding not only to the cartoon, but perhaps also tending to his own inner memory of loneliness—reaching for connection and comfort in the way he knew how.

Why Co-Regulation Matters at Every Age

Co-regulation is vital in early childhood, but it doesn’t stop there. Our nervous system never outgrows its need for connection and support. It forms the basis for healthy relationships throughout life—whether in friendships, romantic partnerships, or at work.

When that foundational support is missing in early childhood, it can lead to patterns of insecure attachment, emotional avoidance, or hyper-dependence. Adults who experienced chronic disconnection may struggle with trusting others or regulating stress.

Our Culture’s Misguided Focus on Independence

Modern parenting often emphasizes self-soothing and independence—expecting babies to fall asleep alone or regulate their emotions without help. But science shows that infant brains are not wired to self-regulate. They depend on the calm presence of a compassionate adult.

Without this support, a child’s nervous system may stay stuck in fight-or-flight mode, contributing to long-term health issues like:

Elevated cortisol levels
Sleep disruptions
Immune system dysfunction
Heart disease
Anxiety and depression

The Role of Support Networks in Co-Regulation

To care for our children, we must also care for ourselves.

One of my mentors, Mary Jackson—a midwife who’s attended over 3,000 births—says it best:

“We thrive when we live and birth within layers of support.”

In my Pre- and Perinatal Somatic Psychology training with Ray Castellino, Mary Jackson, and Tara Blasco, we explored how support affects the body and nervous system. In one exercise, we role-played family dynamics—baby, mother, support parent, and external support—and noticed how each added layer of support impacted our body. Some brought calm, others brought tears. Our bodies remembered.

Exploring Your Own Layers of Support

To deepen your awareness of co-regulation and support, I recommend a practice inspired by Cherionna Menzam Sills’ book, The Prenatal Shadow.

A Guided Meditation to Discover Your Support System

Start with your body
Sit comfortably. Feel the surface supporting you—your seat, back, or feet. Add a cushion or blanket if needed. Notice what changes in your body. Any slowing of your breath? A drop in tension?
Recall your emotional support
Think about people (or pets!) who bring you love, joy, or comfort. Notice what shifts in your body as you think of them. Maybe your chest softens, or your breath deepens.
Tap into ancestral or cultural support
Imagine a parent, grandparent, or cultural figure—living or passed—who has supported you. Feel into the presence of that love and care. Again, pause to notice what arises in your body.

This is a practice you can return to often. Journaling your reflections may reveal areas where support is strong—and where more is needed.

Healing Happens in Community

Co-regulation isn’t a solo act. We need one another.

At the Heybrook, we believe in creating strong, safe spaces where parents can connect, feel seen, and support one another through the ups and downs of parenting. Consider this your invitation to reach out, share, and be held within our circle.

Work with Me: Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy for Parents and Babies

Every session I offer in Biodynamic Craniosacral Therapy is designed to restore your nervous system—and by extension, your child’s. A calm and supported parent is far better equipped to meet their child’s needs with creativity, presence, and grace.

Learn more or book a session:
mothertrees.com/contact
Email me: susan@mothertrees.com

The Healing Power of Co-Regulation: Why Connection Matters for Parents and Children