Parenting from Wholeness:Breaking the Cycle and Coming Home to Yourself
by EarthSong Long of Soulfully Authentic Coaching - a member of the Heybrook Provider Network
It’s happened to all of us.
You’re tired, overwhelmed, and stretched thin. Your child does something that pushes your last button, and before you can stop yourself, you open your mouth, and your mom or your dad comes out.
That sharp tone or exasperated sigh you swore you’d never use escapes, and suddenly, you’re repeating the cycle that caused you so much pain.
In that instant, you hear the echo of generations. It’s not who you want to be, but somehow that old voice takes the lead.
We’ve all been there. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you human.
Why We Fall Back into Old Patterns
When life feels stressful or uncertain, your nervous system automatically reaches for what’s familiar. Those old tones and reactions are part of your earliest survival map. They once kept you safe.
The body remembers.
When you’re under pressure, your mind doesn’t pause to ask, “Is this how I want to respond?”, it simply follows the blueprint you've inherited. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck with it forever. Awareness and intention open the door to change.
The Inner Child Beneath the Reaction
Those reactive moments are often your inner child speaking - the part of you that once felt scared, unseen, or powerless. When your child’s big emotions bump up against your own unhealed ones, your system does what it learned long ago: it protects through control, correction, or withdrawal.
Parenting from wholeness doesn’t mean you never get triggered. It means you recognize when the past is speaking through you and you are courageous enough to meet it with compassion instead of shame.
The Moment in the Car
One afternoon, my daughter and I were getting ready to leave, and she was being uncooperative, refusing to get in her seat and buckle up. I felt heat rise within me, that familiar urge to lecture, to control, to correct. For a split second, I could hear my parents’ voice ready to spill out of mine.
But I caught it.
I paused.
I took a few slow breaths, and when I finally responded, I could see she was just tired. The tension melted, and I invited her into my lap. I held her as she cried exhausted tears, no words needed because she felt seen, understood, and accepted.
I’ve had countless opportunities like this since that day. Some moments are big, but most are small, simple daily interactions that quietly shape our relationship and build trust.
I’m not perfect. I still lose myself to big emotions, but I find my way back faster now. Every time I repair with my daughter, I’m also repairing with my inner child — the part of me that once needed the gentleness and understanding I now offer her.
This is the essence of reparenting: learning to hold ourselves with the same compassion we strive to give our children.
Returning to Wholeness
Wholeness isn’t about never breaking; it’s about remembering how to return. Each moment of awareness, each act of repair, becomes a bridge between who we were and who we’re becoming, between the past and the present, between our wounds and our wholeness.
You don’t have to have it all figured out to begin changing your patterns. Every pause, breath, or moment of repair matters. When you meet yourself with gentleness, you’re not just transforming how you parent — you’re reshaping the emotional landscape your children will one day stand upon.
“Wholeness isn’t something we achieve by being perfect; it’s something we remember, one conscious moment at a time.”
An Invitation to Go Deeper
For those who feel called to explore this work further, EarthSong Long offers a heart-centered approach to parenting and personal transformation. Through breathwork, somatic integration, inner-child healing, and mindful self-discovery, she helps parents reconnect with their inherent wholeness. Her work bridges science and spirituality, guiding individuals to integrate the lost, forgotten, and rejected parts of themselves so they can live, love, and parent from a place of presence and authenticity.